Married But Alone

When I was single, I looked forward to be married to have someone with whom I could share this walk of life. And also this walk of faith. The Christian walk with God has many challenges and my pursuit of God has weak areas. I had hoped that my husband would complement all these weak areas to make me not only a whole person but also a whole child of God.

Flawed thinking. Don’t misunderstand, my husband does complement me in some of my weaknesses. For example, I have a mind filled with critical thoughts. I am not only critical of myself but critical of others. This has been a great impediment to my relationship with God, myself, and others. Paul does not struggle with this at ALL! He always looks for the good rather than focusing on the bad. Just being around him, in general conversation I am convicted of complaining and gossiping. This is helping me learn to love. You know that love from Corinthians that “believes all things…and keeps no record of wrong…”

that love that “remembers sins no more”….and “covers a multitude of sins”

that love that “delights in mercy”

that love that says, “Perfect you are;there is no flaw in you my bride”

And isn’t this the BEST and MOST important area that he could ever help me. If I sing with the tongues of angels but don’t love, what is it worth?

While there are some areas that Paul does not make me better. These are areas that I have to pursue without provocation. He is not a big fan of music & worship for example. So, I find myself singing hymns to Sofia throughout the day, listening to worship during my runs, & singing scripture to God at night.

It’s by God’s mercy and goodness that I have a husband that prays with me, goes to church with me, and points me to the hope I have in God. But I cannot depend on him to make me run this race nor can I blame him for the areas that I fail to give all. I’ve learned that our walk with God, when it comes down to it, is our responsibility alone. We have to seek what we need from God’s grace in order to come short in no gift. We may be married, but we run this race alone. And in the end, we will stand before Christ & his judgement seat alone. The rewards that we earn or do not earn will be based on our personal relationship and walk with Christ, Holy Spirit, and God our Father.

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