Category Archives: Study Holy

Mercy Paths (Psalm 25 Meditation)

Mercy Paths (Psalm 25 Meditation)

 

 

Mercy Paths Runholy Podcast Scripture Meditation Psalm 25

 

I recorded a scripture meditation from a special psalm where I discovered GOD’s Mercy Paths. Psalm 25 is a great psalm when you’re looking for life direction or wisdom on specific life choices. It talks about “bringing our life to God”. It says that God “teaches the humble His way”. It’s humility that drives our eyes upward during important times of transition. Only the humble seek God’s counsel on direction. The prideful think they’ve got it all figured out. The humble seek God’s advice as a vital necessity. I’ve come to this humble realization through a bunch of prideful life choices which took me through some hard knocks.

He leads the humble in what is right, and the humble HE teaches His way. -ps25:9

When I was searching for answers on my future husband and God’s will for my life, Psalm 25 became a very special place for me. I remember those times of seeking on the back desert plains of west Texas. I remember the freedom I found within the walls of this psalm.

There was so much fear surrounding making the “right choice”. As I had learned before, God’s will is not a tightrope but a playground. Yes there is a fence and boundaries but there is fun and freedom. If we feel we are walking a tight rope when making choices, that is not freedom. That’s not what He means by the narrow way. I believe the narrow way is actually found in the small daily choices of obedience and devotion. These actually matter more to God than the “big choices”. I found freedom in psalm 25.

In verse 10, He says “all the paths are mercy”. Within our humanity and unique personality we will journey and digress down complex paths. He works all these paths together for our good and for the future that we have hoped for. When we look to Him and wait in hope for His direction, we will never be put to shame. Mercy will cover every choice we make. Down every path we will find mercy. His goodness will follow us Dow EVERY path we choose. We don’t have to be afraid about choosing a wrong path because all the paths we walk down seeking him along the way are mercy.

Show me your ways, oh Lord; teach me your paths. Ps25:4

He will instruct “sinners” in His way it says in verse 8. Isn’t this an interesting verse? Especially since it follows verse 7 which talks about Him remembering no more our sins. The theology of that is very complex but also simple. I think the gist of it is this: God is good. In his mercy, he teaches even those that have sinned against him.

Psalm 25 was a sweet chapter of encounter for a season of my life. Do you have those sweet spots in every Bible?  I included two versions in this meditation because they were both so rich.

Mercy Paths (Psalm 25 Meditation) – RunHoly Podcast on Sound Cloud

Mercy Paths Psalm 25 RunHoly Podcast on PodBean 

Top Resources – Winter 2016/17

Favorite resources runholy sermons list

 

I know most people don’t have the hunger or time to seek out excellent resources. So I like to collect them and post them here for others. These are the resources out of the hundreds I’ve listened to in the last several months that made the most impact.

Endtime Ministries | End of the Age Irvin Baxter podcast Comes on every day of the week.

Heaven Awaits the Bride audio

Relationship with God looks like a relationship with you.

New Canaan Society DC Weekend [youtube playlist]

Anatomy of hunger

Spiritual Depression by Martyn Lloyd Jones

Ken Hamm One Race

Ken Hamm Great Delusion

Brian Simmons 7 Spirits

Ian Clayton 7 spirits

Kevin Zadai after-death experience.

7 mountains by Lance Wallnau

Bakker recording of Dr. Lance Wallnau

Hope, The Anchor of the Soul

Pursuing God Sermon Series by Billy Humphrey (especially 2 & 3)

Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis

School of Obedience by Andrew Murray

Absolute Surrender

Establishing the Gate of Your Will by AllThingsRestored

The Kat Kerr Project [YouTube Playlists]

Prophetic Soaking Music

RunHoly Podcast Scripture Meditation Psalm 139:5

RunHoly Podcast Scripture Meditation Psalm 139:5

The God Impulse Runholy podcast God's blessing on life choices

 

The God Impulse

I posted a new podcast recording that talks about life choices. David gave us a model for making big choices. 1. Inquire-ask God. 2. Wait on his answer 3. When you think you’ve got it, move swiftly with confidence. I’ve done this over and over with big decisions I’ve made. I spoke at the beginning of this podcast  particularly about choosing to marry my husband.

Psalm 139:5 was a special verse to me because it was a confirmation that I had heard God and made the choice that had his blessing.

Podcast On Sound Cloud

podcast on Podbean

 

Meditation Monday: Psalm 84:3, 5

Psalm 84 Scripture meditation by RunHoly, RunHoly.com

Scripture Meditation by RunHoly on Psalm 84:3,5

 

It’s funny the things you notice when you meditate on scripture. Things that you never noticed before…like the fact that the sentence begun in verse 3 ends after “my king and my god”.  Why is the author addressing the Lord of Heavens armies and talking about birds nesting?  I mean I could understand starting the verse about strength with the warrior king address, yet it’s with the birds verse.

Scripture meditation by RunHoly psalm 84

A Home Near His Altar

Is my home at a place near his altar-both in the literal and figurative sense. I mean do I raise my young and go about my day staying aware that I am in and pursuing constant connection to His presence. Am I ruling and raising both my children and my own soul with His kingship in mind. Am I turning the attention of my heart and the hearts of my children toward worship at every small opportunity?

I missed an opportunity earlier. A frog (or toad-I’m not sure the difference) leapt a good 4 feet in one jump. That was an opportunity to direct my children’s awe back to God, the maker of heaven and earth and frogs (or toads). Our souls long to be drawn upward. It just takes a delicate touch to direct them like softly touching a balloon toward the sky. We can consistently keep our souls in that heavenly realm with these sorts of practical touches.

Psalm 84 Scripture meditation by RunHoly, RunHoly.com

It’s in the place of his altar, a place of praise and awe, a place of connection to Him and to heaven that we and our “nests” and “young” are kept safe and at perfect peace behind the Lord of Heaven’s armies, who is also OUR King and OUR God.

The Altar of Self

I learned this lesson this past weekend. I had been making my soul’s nest near the altar of Lauren. It started with a tooth ache. Soon the pain and self-pity had me googling things, searching for answers, and thinking only of myself and my well being. Once on that path, it’s difficult to steer off the selfishness course.

The altar of self is NOT a safe place to be.

The weekend culminated in me losing my temper over something irrational and being trapped in a needless storm of anger.

Had I set my my mind on a pilgrimage, on the things above, on His word, well I (and my family/young and nest/home) would have been protected and kept in perfect peace.

Tapestry of Revelation Truth

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

 

Is 26:3

When I meditate on one verse I often think of other verses like the verse above. It’s crazy how all the different verses are interconnected. The Spirit weaves a beautiful tapestry of revelation truth when we have meditated upon and deposited so many into our heart’s scripture reservoir.  

 

Psalm 84 For This Season

I pray this blessed you. I’m excited to share the rest of this meditation in psalm 84 with you. I feel it is a psalm for such a time as this. It’s a psalm for the season we are leaving and the new one we are entering.

Scripture meditation by RunHoly psalm 84 verse 3-5, RunHoly.com

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Scripture Meditation by RunHoly: 1 John 2:3-6

Scripture Meditation by RunHoly

Bible scripture verse meditation audio by RunHoly, runholy.com

 

I’ve begun making videos for specific bible verses and scripture meditation. I use a tool I found on soundcloud for scripture meditation, but they only make audio for the gospels. That tool is called Audio Lectio and can be found here.

Bible scripture verse meditation audio by RunHoly, runholy.com image image

There are many promises for scripture meditation.

I’ve enjoyed fresh revelation and soul change from simply listening and contemplating a verse over and over. Praying this audio will help myself and others to do that.

This will also help with memorization. The word is our sword. Memorized verses are like grenades in our arsenal.

Listening to verses arms our soul with strength while also washing us in the cleansing power of the word.Our souls, washed and strong, are able to conquer anything and lift up others around us with Truth.

These videos will be short so you can squeeze in some meditation throughout the day in little free moments like while doing chores, driving (listen-audio only), waiting in line, idle moments at work, or just before bed. As a mom, I need tools like this.

Subscribe and you will be notified of future verse meditations. Give me feedback on whether this was helpful to you.  Also, let me know verses that would help you to have in your arsenal. As this is my first verse video, let me know what is helpful to you…is the number of times the verse is repeated suitable? Looking forward to hearing back from all of you!

 

Grace & Peace,

 

Lauren

Favorite Sermons – March 2016

Favorite Sermons & Resources List – March 2016

So I just had a baby and don’t have much (any) time to post. But I love to post these favorite sermons lists because they make a great reference to come back to later.

I hope to come back and update with notes on each one. Also a sermon post on a couple of these may be coming after life slows a bit…Here, in no particular order, are the sermons that have been impacting me lately:

  1. Sin as Slavery by Tim Keller
  2. Courageous Worship by Stairway Church
  3. This Series on Hope (especially the third one)
  4. The Spiritual Battle with Weight Loss by Tripp #askPastorJohn
  5. Dwelling in the Secret Place (Psalm 91) by Corey Russell
  6. Rejoice in Suffering by Francis Chan
  7. Stuart Greaves at the Ten Conference
  8. Preparation for the Promise, Antioch Norman
  9. Word, Spirit, Power Conference by Rtkendallministries.com
  10. A Lifestyle of Prayer by Graham

 

Daughter of a Narcissist – A Sermon Post

Daughter of a Narcissist – A Sermon Post

On being the daughter of a Narcissist and a sermon post…This is a somewhat personal post about a close friend’s dad. Many who know her know that there are issues and brokenness there.  They have seen many of the struggles, growing up and into adulthood.  Friends from her younger years were always sympathetic that her dad was “weird” and an “a**h&%$”.  In later life, she just heard things like “messed up” and “not right” regarding the way her dad related and his behavior especially as a father of a grown daughter.  What they may not know and what she has now realized is that she is the child of a narcissist. It was during their last painful “break-up” that God led her to some truth on narcissistic personality disorder that brought a lot of freedom to her heart and to her life.  She also realized that there are a lot of adults who are in her situation.

Gaining some insight, perspective, and not feeling alone in this situation really helped.  I don’t know if it made her hopeful that they would ever have a normal relationship as most of the research and testimony on narcissistic personality disorder is not very hopeful, but it showed her how to pray and how to understand their different roles and approaches in relationship.

Also, the bible teaches that as we grow in knowledge and depth of insight that we also grow or ABOUND in love.  I love that word abound. I think about just spilling over, or busting at the seems (like a big can of biscuits my friend Bekah would say).  As she gains insight on her dad’s brokenness, she can meet him there and love him. They might not have a relationship, but she can hold him in love in her heart…meaning she can think loving thoughts when she thinks of him, speak of him, pray for him. She feels this is her duty to honor him because he is the father that Go chose for her. Also, there is only joy found in love and freedom from resentment or bitterness. It’s hard to be bitter when you enter into their brokenness through the eyes of the Father.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,   Philippians 1:9

This sermon was one of the first resources she found that led her on this journey of revelation and freedom. I wanted to share along with a couple other resources for anyone going through the same type of struggle. I’ve also included a lot of material on a narcissistic personality disorder parent.

Power of a Clear Conscience Sermon on Narcissism

Transcript excerpt below:

A year or two ago I told you this story, but I need to retell it because of its relevance to my sermon. There was a man who went to his pastor and said, “You know, my wife is trying to poison me.” The pastor said, “No, wait! I know your wife. She’s a nice woman. There’s no way she’d try to poison you.” He said, “Pastor, she’s trying to poison me. I can even see the poison next to my plate.” He said, “There’s a part of my wife that you don’t understand. I suggest you talk to her.” Well later on that afternoon the pastor came back and said to the man, “You know, I spent three and a half hours speaking with your wife this afternoon. I have a suggestion for you.” He said, “What is it?” The pastor said, “Just take the poison.” (laughter)

 

Now the reason I’m preaching this message today is so that you don’t have to take the poison. You know, of course, that the theme of this series of messages is found in 1 Timothy 1:5. I hope it’s a verse that you memorize. Paul says this: “The aim of our instruction is love that flows from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.” And I’d like to suggest to you today that those three words are related – to be able to have a pure heart, a good conscience and a sincere faith, because if you don’t have a good conscience, you have no confidence toward God.

 

Now today we’re going to talk about the conscience in a negative sense, that is to say that the Bible has much to say about people who have a hardened conscience, and we’re going to be talking about them. For example, the Scripture is very clear. It says in 1 Timothy 2 that there will be teachers who are liars, whose consciences are seared. The King James says: “as with a hot iron.” We’re talking about those whose consciences are cauterized. That’s the word that is used there. They are without feeling.

 

And then also the Bible says in the book of Timothy that there are those who have a defiled conscience. And there’s a whole list of sins that they commit because their conscience is defiled, and they no longer know the difference between right and wrong, and they are blind to their own huge need.

 

There’s another passage that doesn’t mention the word conscience but my, is it ever relevant to what I am speaking about today. This is 2 Timothy 3:1 and following. I’m going to read the first five verses. You’ll notice it says, “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self (That’s what I’m going to speak on today – lovers of self. Notice that the Apostle Paul put it at the head of all of the other sins that he lists.), lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless and (Wow!) unappeasable.” You know, I don’t know how other translations have that word, but this week I was thinking of unappeasable. What a description of some people! And then you’ll notice it says, “slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.” “From such people,” Paul says, “turn away. Avoid them if you can.”

 

Well, that’s quite a list of sins, and what we would like to do today is to take a tour of the human heart. It’s going to be a very painful tour because I’m going to speak to you about narcissism, which is self-love, which stands at the head of all of these other sins. One way to deal with this would be for me to go through and explain what every one of these words means. In a sense I’m going to be doing that but I’m going to be doing it from a different perspective.

 

So as we speak, I want you to know that to some extent, and I’ll define narcissism in a moment, all of us are narcissists. All of us love ourselves. But there are some people – about 10% of the population – who are actually diagnosed as narcissistic. And these people exist in churches. They are in Christian leadership oftentimes. They can be involved in every one of the vocations. Whether they are attorneys or doctors or factory workers, narcissism – love of self – can be at the bottom of it. One other word, and that is that I am often going to be speaking about he, but it could equally apply to she because whether or not it’s men or women, both can be very narcissistic, as we’ll explain in a moment.

 

Well this is a topical message actually. I mention that this morning because there are some guests present who are theologians, and so I want them to simply know that I know that this is a topical message. Next week I’m going to speak on the topic why Lady Macbeth didn’t have to commit suicide and why you don’t have to either, and at that point we’re going to be in the book of Hebrews. But today a topical message on self-love!

 

 

 

Narcissism comes to us from Greek mythology. Narcissus was the son of a god supposedly, and he was in love with himself, and he was greatly admired by people. And the story goes that he looked into a pool and saw his image and fell in love with himself so that he couldn’t even eat. He became almost anorexic because he was so enamored with how beautiful he looked, and so we have narcissism.

 

The other day as I was meditating, it dawned on me that when Satan said to Adam and Eve, “You shall be like God,” that, of course, was fulfilled in some sense that now man is his own god, and I asked myself this question: What is it that God does that the narcissist does? Well, first of all, whatever God does is right. The Bible says our God is in the heavens. He has done whatever He has pleased. By definition, whatever God does is right. The narcissist believes that he’s always right. You can’t teach him anything. He doesn’t learn anything. Because he has this air of superiority, he knows it all. He already has a better perspective than anyone else.

 

Another characteristic of God is that everything exists for Him. The Bible says in the book of Revelation that all things were created for God, and for His pleasure they were created. Now let me describe a narcissist. He is someone who processes all information through two important questions. How does this make me look? How does this make me feel? Feeling good about himself is incredibly important, and if you mention that someone else is successful he will become very, very envious and even angry that he is not recognized, because everyone else exists for what could be called narcissistic supply, namely to feed their ego. So they have a sense of entitlement. They really believe that the world owes them, and when the world doesn’t stand up and give them what they believe they deserve, what you’ll find is a great deal of anger, disappointment and depression because people aren’t just recognizing who they really are.

 

Continue reading, listening, watching this sermon here.

A Daughter’s Journey with a Narcissistic Dad

Honestly, Rachelle’s dad was not around very much.  He was in a specialized unit in the military that left him gone a lot. She sees now that even his decision to be in this unit put his needs before his children or family.  She has watched her brother make a different choice in his military career to put his children and family first.  This made her heart very proud and happy for him.  This specialized unit also served to fuel his ego, and this fuel is something that the narcissist seriously needs. So she is able to look back on that decision that seems hurtful and unloving to her or at least to set a low value on her importance to her dad and see that it had nothing to do with her or her value.

Later in life, she began to relate to my dad as an adult. At this point, he had divorced her mom after having multiple affairs. Even this, she is able to see that her mom held her dad on a high pedestal most of their marriage and needed him to a codependent, unhealthy level.  When he was no longer the center of her worship, he lost his need for her and began looking for admiration from other women.

It’s not until many years later that the life experiences of the child of the narcissist start to make a little more sense. Friends often catch glimpses of the kind of ‘crazy’ parenting these individuals received, so he or she starts to get a healthy reality check like this: “Your mom is insane,” or “Your Dad is seriously messed up.” -Psychology Today

Anyway, from the very beginning she was sent into this whirl wind of insanity.  As this pastor says in his sermon, narcissist have their version of reality and truth.  They sometimes present it very convincingly.  Especially if they have been your dad for so many years, the narcissist sort of sucks you in to this other reality, and those close to them start to feel a little…actually a lot… crazy.  When she didn’t go along with his reality or tried to break from it, her dad was quick to end the relationship altogether. His world, his future, and his needs were what mattered, and anything that she might do to interfere with his happiness or any of this was not worth the risk.  Never mind, this is your daughter.  Again, this was mind-boggling to everyone around her, and mostly the only explanation was that her dad was “messed up”.

It was at this point that he began using manipulation to cause family separation, confusion, and contention. Narcissism is straight from the devil who wants no part of a peaceful, happy, loving family. This has continued to this day…10 years later.  Her family is constantly splintered, partially reconciled, splintered again cycled around his deception and  manipulation.  The narcissist views family members, even his own mother or children as objects.  There is a disconnect where he cannot feel what normal people feel about their family.  Understanding this lack of this ability of empathy has helped her so much.

Recently, her dad attempted to sue her over something that he knows is untrue as he was the one that emailed them copies of all the check receipts involved.  But honestly even though he sent her the physical evidence, if he has convinced himself that the lie is reality then I’m not sure if evidence will matter. I’ve learned from researching NPD that this amazing fact is true…

If a narcissist tells himself the sky is purple long enough, then a purple sky becomes a very concrete reality in his mind.

It’s not something I can speak very openly about since it is ongoing…But the heartbreaking part of his maliciousness was that even though they have not spoken, he knows she is very pregnant. Not only is this inconsiderate of her welfare but of the welfare of his grand-daughter also.

runholy-child of narcissistA normal dad would want the best for his daughter and his grandchildren.  A normal dad would put her needs above his own. I cannot imagine pursuing something like this with my daughter in the future no matter what she had done or even if she actually owed me anything. But when these thoughts come to her, that’s when she has to remind herself that he is not a normal dad. He is sick…broken, and it does not reflect her value.

Hope for the child of a narcissist

I’m sad that most of what I have read online says that adult children of narcissist have only the option for an estranged relationship or one so limited by boundaries that it can hardly be considered a relationship. Even when they were on speaking terms in the middle of estrangements, the conversations were very superficial (mostly pleasantries) which I’ve also read is VERY common in children’s adult relationships with NPD parents. But I believe there is hope for a couple of reasons.

  1.  Remember that you have had and will always have a dad in heaven that loves you, who wants the best for you, and holds such a powerful love for you that he would die for you.
  2. This relationship with God, Father can become very intimate as it may the only true father relationship you know. God has been there for her when her biological father was not.  God has held her and comforted her when her biological father caused her pain. God has been a very real father figure in her life, and she’s blessed by this.
  3. With God, all things are possible. Through prayer, I believe the narcissist’s heart can be softened and mind transformed. Not that these people can’t pose a significant challenge for the LORD, but I believe he is up for the challenge.  So there is hope that through prayer her father and their relationship CAN be restored.
  4. God is your defense and shelter. David was attacked by his father-in-law. It’s hard when someone who is supposed to love you and seek your best, seeks to harm you.  But God is protective of his children even against your own family. He will guard you and bring justice. Run to him in the midst of attack.

Number 5:  This may not seem so…but it IS hopeful.  I wanted to give you another sermon link that you may need for the loved one or parent struggling with narcissism.  This is not advice that I give, receive , or apply lightly. The sermon is In Defense of Imprecatory Prayers.  I listed this sermon in my favorite sermons list not long ago because it is on a topic that is not discussed a lot, but chances are most Christians have had a question about these strange prayers of David that seem like curses. This sermon answers a lot of those questions.

My advice is that if God leads you, consider praying the imprecatory psalms over the life of your narcissistic loved one. Many times the npd person will not seek help until they have reached the “end of himself”. The imprecatory prayers are a last measure to remove the protection of God from their lives.  It may be the most merciful prayer you can pray for your parent although I’ll tell you right now these psalms are heartbreaking and you will probably weep as the words come out of your mouth.

“My heart was ripped apart the night I prayed the imprecatory psalm over my dad, but I felt deeply that it might be his only chance at freedom and felt God’s clear leadership in taking this step.” -Rachelle

“One thing I’ve learned is that the narcissist is not free. He is God’s son and God wants him to be free. But instead the enemy keeps him in bondage of fear, resentment, bitterness, paranoia, hate, isolation, disappointment, feeling worthless, perfectionism, … Narcissism is a prison. The worst narcissist of all longs to pull others into his same type of prison. But understand that whoever he is, the narcissist is a very beloved child of God. God wants connection with this son and for this son to walk in the freedom that Christ paid for.  This is the greatest hope that we can cling to.” -Rachelle, on her dad

Resources on Narcissism, NPD, and the Narcissistic Parent Relationship

The long material below was very helpful in understanding why Rachelle’s dad did a lot of the things that he did.  It’s a lot, but if you have struggled with this and continue to struggle as an adult, I would recommend taking it all in. Also…

child of a narcissist - RunHoly.com

Here is the source for the below content on narcissism.

The symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder include the following:

  • A grandiose sense of self-importance (may be shown as an exaggeration of abilities and talents, expectation that he or she will be seen as superior to all others).
  • Is obsessed with him- or herself.
  • Goals are almost always selfish and self-motivated.
  • Has troubles with healthy, normal relationships.
  • Becomes furious if criticized.
  • Has fantasies of unbound success, power, intelligence, love, and beauty.
  • Believes that he or she is unique and special, and therefore should only hang out with other special, high-status people.
  • Requires extreme admiration for everything.
  • Feels entitled – has unreasonable expectations of special treatment.
  • Takes advantage of others to further his or her own needs.
  • Has zero empathy – cannot (or will not) recognize the feelings of others.
  • May be envious of others or believe that others are envious of him or her.
  • Behaves arrogantly, haughtily.

Children of a Narcissist parent…When their children grow to become more independent, the narcissistic parent may feel jealous or envious of the child. Children of Narcissistic Parents must adhere to the agenda of the Narcissistic Parent for their lives to be stable. Asserting their feelings, their rights, or their thoughts can lead to much bigger problems.

Here are some terms that I found especially helpful in understanding many aspects of their relationship:

Triangulation: a tactic used by narcissistic parents to change the balance of power in a family system. For example, rather than allowing two siblings to work together, the Narcissistic Parent insists that he or she be the go-between. This controls the way the information flows, the way it is interpreted, and adds nuances to the conversation. It’s also a way to feed Narcissistic Supply.

Narcissistic Supply: is a term used to designate the manner in which narcissists require, feed on attention. The best sorts of attention are approval, adoration, and admiration, but other sources of attention – like fear – are acceptable to a Narcissist. Children, small children, of narcissists are used as an ongoing source of this attention.

Gaslighting: a way in which Narcissistic Parents (and other abusers) use lies – intentional or not – to make their child question his or her own reality. A child may end up feeling as though he or she is crazy. An example would be, insisting that the sky is actually green, until the child believes it. Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of emotional and psychological abuse.

Traits of Narcissistic Parents:

While these traits may not match all Narcissistic Parents, what follows are some common traits of Narcissistic Parents:

1) A Narcissistic Parent has difficulty understanding the emotions of empathy and how to create meaningful connections. As the personal needs of Narcissistic Parents dominate, these parents have little room for the needs of anyone else. It makes it almost impossible for these Narcissistic Parents to relate to the feelings and meet the physical and emotional needs of their children.

2) A Narcissistic Parent owns the successes of his or her children. In a Narcissistic Parents mind, he or she has been sacrificing everything for his or her child – the child must retaliate by performing at or above expectations. These childhood achievements are then owned by the Narcissistic Parent as their own, “he’s a great soccer player – it’s my genetics. I was always athletic, too.”

3) Narcissistic Parents must be in control. No matter what. A Narcissistic Parent controls his or her children by dictating how these children should feel, should act, and the decisions to be made. This can lead to adult children of Narcissistic Parents being unsure of what they, themselves, like and want out of life. These Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents never learn to be autonomous and make his or her own decisions.

4) Narcissistic Parents emotionally blackmail their children. A Narcissistic Parent often is indulgent, kind, and sweet if a child is behaving in the way their Narcissistic Parent wants. However, the moment a child is disobedient, a Narcissistic Parent becomes enraged and cruel. This show of “I love you, go away,” creates insecurity and dependency among children of Narcissistic Parents.

She had issues with her dad attempting to control her (and others in his family) in these ways:

 Guilt-Driven Control: “I’ve given my life for you. I’ve sacrificed it all.” This method of control creates a feeling of obligation in children; that they “owe” their Narcissistic Parents and must behave in a certain way to make their parents happy.

Love Withdrawal Control:You’re worthy of my love ONLY BECAUSE you behave the way I expect you to.” So long as their children are behaving properly, a Narcissistic Parent will be loving. That love disappears the moment a child doesn’t meet expectations.

There are other ways explained here.

How Do Narcissistic Parents Abuse Their Children?

Narcissistic Parents have many subtle – and some not-so-subtle- ways in which they abuse their children. I have struggled with many of these (if not all) with my dad.

  • Compulsively lying to children
  • Ignores and/or overwhelms the children
  • Neglects needs of the child
  • Makes child feel as though he/she does not matter
  • Puts parental needs far above those of the children
  • Distorts the concept of “love”
  • Manipulation for pleasure
  • Says one thing one day, something else the next
  • Untrustworthy
  • Uses the child’s vulnerabilities to exploit the child
  • Subtly and not-subtly insults children
  • Ignores personal boundaries
  • Treats others as objects, not people
  • Makes child feel as though he or she is insane

child of a narcissist - runholyWhat Happens To The Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents?

Growing up with all emotional needs unmet, becoming a “mini-adult,” being the product of so much emotional abuse takes a tremendous toll on a child of a Narcissistic Parent. If the Narcissistic Parent does not stop the abuse or the child does not receive adequate help, one of two scenarios happens to adult children of Narcissistic Parents.

1) The child grows to have narcissistic traits, and becomes a Narcissistic Parent to his/her own children. This perpetuates the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse.

2) The child becomes a “covert” or “inverted” narcissist who remains codependent and may actually seek out abusive relationships with other narcissists.

I’m The Adult Child of A Narcissistic Parent…What Now?

Healing from such a traumatic childhood is absolutely a daunting task. Having your own emotional needs unmet for so long may make the notion of recovery seemingly impossible. It’s not. Here are some guidelines for recovery for Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents.

This article gives some great advice on the “what now” issue from a psychological standpoint.  I would definitely recommend reading these, but put them back in the framework of a godly Christian perspective.

Do I Stay In Contact With My Narcissistic Parent?

Separating yourself from the sort of codependency that’s common from Narcissistic Parents may seem daunting. Sure, they were emotionally (or physically)(or both) abusive, but your Narcissistic Parent is STILL your parent.

As an Adult Child of a Narcissistic Parent, you have two options:

1) Total Estrangement – no contact, nothing, with your Narcissistic Parent.

2) Measured Contact – contact, but limited interaction with Narcissistic Parent.

If you choose to keep measured contact with your Narcissistic Parent, be very sure to follow some strict, clear guidelines:

  • Create very clear boundaries. Don’t reward your parent for crossing them. Be clear, but firm. If they show up unannounced, explain nicely that you are too busy to visit with them.
  • Shield your own children from their Narcissistic Grandparent. They do not need to be exposed to their toxic behaviors.
  • Rather than explain that you do not want to hear their advice, echo and mirror whatever the Narcissistic Parent says. Do whatever you’d planned to do anyway.
  • Go through a third party as your Narcissistic Parent ages – do not allow them to rely upon you and you alone as they need care.
  • Provide information on a “need to know” basis only. Just because your Narcissistic Parent tells you everything doesn’t mean you must reciprocate.

More Resources on Narcissism

https://anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com/2013/11/02/being-a-child-of-narcissists-breaking-the-silence/

https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/surviving-the-narcissistic-parent-acons-adult-children-of-narcissists/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201303/the-narcissistic-father

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201405/narcissistic-parents-psychological-effect-their-children

 

 

Becoming Authentic – A Sermon Post

becoming authentic RunHoly.com

Becoming Authentic – A Sermon Post

becoming authentic RunHoly.comI’m listening to a series by Mike Connell on Fig Leaves and Other Coverings.  There is such a call on the church to live authentically.  And Pastor Mike Connell is right: the main reason that we need to pursue becoming authentic is so that we can bring healing to this broken world and broken people around us.  There are people really hurting, and we can’t minister to them until we are whole ourselves.  He began this sermon with the story of the Good Samaritan and the call to go to the broken and heal their “trauma” through the anointing that Christ has in us & through us. But we have to apply this healing to our own hearts, and that means getting real with OURSELVES & becoming authentic.

The main complaint about the church (and Connell talks about this) is that we are fake. We walk into church with our smiles and outfits, terribly afraid that someone will find out what is really going on.  Social media has made it even worse I believe. Everyone presents the best version of their lives on Facebook, but usually hide the mess, myself included. When are we going to get real-with each other…with the world? What will it take?

I highly recommend this pastor not just because of his cute accent (he’s in Australia or New Zealand I believe), but because he presents profound truth in practical ways. He speaks to the root of issues in our lives using scripture and the Holy Spirit.  Below are some of the notes from his sermon. The link to the full series and full sermon are at the bottom of this post.

Becoming Authentic

The reality is that many people, their walk daily is actually inconsistent with what we believe and so God wants us to grow and mature, to grow up. Growing up isn’t easy. It’s got some challenges with it and I want to share with you today some keys to help you grow. In Genesis 3:7 we saw that Adam and Eve sewed fig leaves together, made themselves coverings. In Verse 10 he said I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself, so Adam and Eve as a consequence of the fall hid themselves from painful reality. To actually come into the presence of God meant to face what was really happening in their life and Adam said I was afraid. That means he had deep feelings, bad feelings, bad vibes and he said because I was naked and so I ran away and hid.

 

We saw how Adam and Eve as a consequence of the fall concealed their identity, covered themselves up and then hid and we see here a pattern; their behaviour of hiding came about as a result of them feeling fear and believing God was going to punish them. So when we look at people’s lives you see the outward part which is like the tip of an iceberg on the surface, but below that outward part is where people really live. So if I’m going to grow as a believer and grow in my relationship with God and ability to represent Him, I’ve got to change on the inside. I’ve got to explore my inner world and discover what is in there. Now you don’t have to become introspective, looking into yourself all the time, but the Holy Spirit is given and He dwells inside you and His job is to bring to your awareness where you need to grow up.

 

[The Bible said Jesus said 00.06.01] in John 14, I won’t leave you orphans. I won’t leave you without a Father, so if you’ve been without a father in your life or been under poor – perhaps your parents weren’t able to function, your father wasn’t able to function as God intended to, nevertheless the spirit that God puts into you, the Holy Spirit of God is a fathering spirit. It is to speak into your heart direction, correction and to bring about maturity so you discover who you are and how to relate and live your life and how to fulfil a purpose. That’s the role of a father, one of the major roles of a father – so Jesus said I will pour My spirit into you and the Holy Spirit I put inside you will be a witness you belong – that God is your Father, but also that spirit, the Holy Spirit in you is to bring you to face realities, to face truth. If we keep covered up and hiding our life and don’t want to go there or pretend we’ve moved on when we haven’t moved on, or minimise what’s happening in our life, we miss out on the opportunity to grow and fulfil what God called us to do.

 

It’s very difficult to enter into anyone else’s life very deeply if you’re very shallow yourself. Can God use you? Of course He can. You can encourage someone, you can show an act of kindness to someone, you could visit them, you could ring them, you can connect with them, give to them. You can do all sorts of things, but there’s a dimension of reaching into lives to really authentically help people which won’t be yours unless you’re willing to grow. So God wants us on a journey. Now how does God get us to grow when many times we don’t want to face the areas which are damaged, nor address them? We want to just to push them under and get going. Well God’s got a great strategy and that strategy’s called pain. Pain – you notice if you hit your thumb and you’re in pain the one thing you notice is your thumb. You notice nothing else. Your whole world is filled with THUMB! Isn’t that right?

 

So whatever you’re in pain about will always get your attention, so God has got a strategy. If you don’t want to face changes in your life and He’s committed to changes in your life, how’s He going to get your attention? Well a whole heap of ways, but one of them is pain. Now does that mean God causes pain? No, no, no, no. No, we do stupid things that cause ourselves pain, but God allows us to go through a journey where we have to stop and have a look at what’s happening and if you can develop a lifestyle where you develop your inner world and begin to mature and grow in your inner world, your outer world will change dramatically. Most people I talk to are wanting God, they’re praying God change this; God change my husband, God change my work, God – now what they’re doing is they’re trying to get exterior changes and not looking how should I be changing on the inside so I can become the kind of person that’s needed, see? Change on the inside, your exteriors will change quite quickly.

 

Link to Becoming Authentic by Mike Connell sermon, full notes and audio

becoming authentic Mike Connell

Full series here.

Praying Powerful Prayers – FREE Printable Prayer Guide

Praying Powerful Prayers – FREE Printable Prayer Guide on Philippians 1 Apostolic Prayer

Last week I posted about How to Pray Powerful Prayers. This post was specifically on praying the apostolic prayer of Paul in Ephesians 1.   I also listed why using the apostolic prayer language in our prayers is so important and powerful.  Today I wanted to continue this prayer series on praying powerful prayers looking at my favorite biblical apostolic prayer: Philipians 1:9-11

And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, 10 that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, 11 being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians 1 – Praying Powerful Prayers – Free Printable Prayer Guide focusing on Philippians 1

Philippians 1-Free Printable Prayer Guide

 

That Love May Abound Still More and More

I find this is beautiful language to pray over my marriage and relationships…or the relationships of my daughters.  That love would abound, increase and spill over. That as I grow in the knowledge of my husband, friend, etc my love would grow more and more with every day and year that passes.  It pairs wonderfully with the verse asking the Holy Spirit to shed His love abroad in our hearts.  Because it’s from the overflow and source of His love that we love..

That You May Approve the Things That Are Excellent

This is great to pray when you or someone you know has a difficult decision.  Or maybe they are just going through a difficult season making choices that do not line up with the wisdom of God. It’s also just generally a good prayer to pray over yourself, your family, your children. This way by God’s grace and wisdom, the choices that we or they make will line up with God’s perfect will for their lives; so that we will be blessed making choices that keep us on the narrow way and that are loving.

Here are the study notes that focus on the different parts of these verses. I got them here.

Prayer for God’s love to abound in our heart resulting in discernment and righteousness.

And this I pray, that YOUR LOVE MAY ABOUND still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may APPROVE THE THINGS THAT ARE EXCELLENT, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being FILLED WITH THE FRUITS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God (Phil. 1:9-11).

  • That your love may abound still more and more – ever-increasing love in our hearts
    • The path of the just shines ever brighter unto perfection
    • But the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. (Proverbs 4:18)
    • Believers abounding in excellence in every gift
    • But as you abound in everything– in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all diligence, and in your love for us– see that you abound in this grace also. (2 Corinthians 8:7)
    • Abounding more and more unto pleasing God
    • Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; (1 Thessalonians 4:1)
    • Thanksgiving for ever-increasing faith and love
    • We are bound to thank God always for you, brethren, as it is fitting, because your faith grows exceedingly, and the love of every one of you all abounds toward each other, (2 Thessalonians 1:3)
    • Other scriptures – Job 17:9; Matthew 13:31-33; Philippians 3:15-16; 1 Thessalonians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 4:9-10; Philemon 6; 1 Peter 1:22
  • In knowledge – experiential knowledge of the person of Christ
    • The need for maturity in understanding
    • Brethren, do not be children in understanding; however, in malice be babes, but in understanding be mature. (1 Corinthians 14:20)
    • Be wise, understanding the Lord’s will
    • Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians 5:17)
    • Filled with the knowledge of His will
    • For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; (Colossians 1:9)
    • New man renewed in knowledge according to Christ’s image
    • and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him, (Colossians 3:10)
    • Other scriptures – 2 Peter 1:5-6; 2 Peter 3:18
  • And all discernment –
  • The King prays for an understanding heart to govern the people
  • “Therefore give to Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people, that I may discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of Yours?” (1 Kings 3:9)
  • The spiritual man discerns unsavory things
  • Is there injustice on my tongue? Cannot my taste discern the unsavory? (Job 6:30)
  • The ear discerns words as the mouth tastes food
  • For the ear tests words as the palate tastes food. (Job 34:3)
  • Using discernment to test and keep the good
  • Test all things; hold fast what is good. (1 Thessalonians 5:21)
    • Other scriptures – 2 Samuel 14:17; 1 Kings 3:11; Isaiah 7:15; Romans 14:1; 1 Corinthians 2:14-15;
  • That you may approve the things that are excellent – examining and agreeing with the excellence of the Lord
    • This comes from the mind being renewed in God’s Word
    • And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:2)
    • Walk in light, and discover what pleases the Lord
    • For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:8-10)
    • Training the senses through use to discern excellence
    • But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. (Hebrews 5:14)
    • Test every spirit to approve excellence
    • Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. (1 John 4:1)
    • Other scriptures – 2 Corinthians 11:13-15; 1 Thessalonians 5:21; Revelation 2:2
  • That you may be sincere – tested as genuine by the light of the sun
    • Fear the Lord, and serve Him with sincerity and truth
    • “Now therefore, fear the LORD, serve Him in sincerity and in truth, and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the River and in Egypt. Serve the LORD! (Joshua 24:14)
    • Nathanael seen by Jesus Christ as being without deceit
    • Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward Him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!” (John 1:47)
    • Speak sincerely in the sight of God in Christ
    • For we are not, as so many, peddling the word of God; but as of sincerity, but as from God, we speak in the sight of God in Christ. (2 Corinthians 2:17)
    • Hearts established blameless in holiness
    • so that He may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all His saints. (1 Thessalonians 3:13)
    • Other scriptures – Acts 24:16; 2 Corinthians 1:12; 2 Corinthians 8:8; Ephesians 4:15; Philippians 1:16
  • And without offense – not stumbling over anything God chooses to do or permit
    • Jesus is a sanctuary to His own, but an offense to unbelievers
    • He will be as a sanctuary, but a stone of stumbling and a rock of offense to both the houses of Israel, as a trap and a snare to the inhabitants of Jerusalem. (Isaiah 8:14)
    • Not to be offended at the mystery of God’s ways
    • “And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.” (Matthew 11:6)
    • Knowledge of Jesus keeps us from offense at His ways
    • Why? Because they did not seek it by faith, but as it were, by the works of the law. For they stumbled at that stumbling stone. As it is written: “Behold, I lay in Zion a stumbling stone and rock of offense, and whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” (Romans 9:32-33) orinthians 1:23 – The stumbling block of the cross of Christ
    • Other scriptures – Matthew 26:33; 1 Corinthians 1:18; Galatians 5:11; 1 Peter 2:8
  • Till the day of Christ – the culmination of natural history at the appearing of Jesus
    • Blameless in the day of Christ
    • who will also confirm you to the end, that you may be blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 1:8)
    • Work of Holy Spirit in our lives completed unto that day
    • being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; (Philippians 1:6)
    • Rejoicing in the day of Christ that our race was not in vain
    • holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain. (Philippians 2:16)
    • The sudden appearing of the day of the Lord
    • But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night, in which the heavens will pass away with a great noise, and the elements will melt with fervent heat; both the earth and the works that are in it will be burned up. (2 Peter 3:10)
  • Being filled with the fruits of righteousness – the effects of the Holy Spirit working in our hearts
    • Planted in the Lord’s House, we bear fruit into old age
    • Those who are planted in the house of the LORD shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bear fruit in old age; they shall be fresh and flourishing, (Psalm 92:13-14)
    • The pruning work of the Holy Spirit to increase fruitbearing
    • “Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. (John 15:2)
    • Appointed by the Lord to bear fruit that remains
    • “You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. (John 15:16)
    • Fruit of righteousness comes to those who embrace discipline
    • Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:11)
    • Other scriptures – Psalm 1:3; Isaiah 5:2; Luke 13:6-9; John 15:8; Romans 6:22; Romans 15:28; 2 Corinthians 9:10; Galatians 5:22-23; Ephesians 5:9; Philippians 4:17; Colossians 1:6,10; James 3:17-18
  • Which are by Christ Jesus – the work of His hands upon our lives
    • His work in us that He may be glorified
    • Also your people shall all be righteous; they shall inherit the land forever, the branch of My planting, the work of My hands, that I may be glorified. (Isaiah 60:21)
    • The planting of the Lord for His own glory
    • To console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.” (Isaiah 61:3)
    • Fruit borne through abiding in Christ
    • “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. (John 15:5)
    • We are His workmanship, created for good works
    • For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)
    • Other scriptures – Isaiah 61:11; Hebrews 13:15-16; 1 Peter 4:10-11
  • To the glory and praise of God – that He is honored and beautified by our lives
    • Our fruitbearing to the Father’s glory
      • “By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. (John 15:8)
    • Our purpose is to be to the praise of His glory
    • that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory. (Ephesians 1:12)
    • Our purchase and redemption results in praise to His glory
    • who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory. (Ephesians 1:14)
    • Our lives glorify God in the time of visitation
    • having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation. (1 Peter 2:12)

 

Resources That I Want to Share with Friends:

This book by Tim Keller looks awesome. Since it’s on prayer, I thought I would share with you in this post.  He’s one of my favorite pastors to listen to, very anointed for being so nerdy.  Check out some of my Favorite Sermons post if you would rather listen to some of his material.

This is a beautiful soaking hour that I found on YouTube. It would be great to sit quietly and just let it play over your soul.  I needed so much of what she sang. I pray it blesses you.

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