Category Archives: Music

Induction Birth Story – Baby Kate

Induction Birth Story – Baby Kate

And keep my eyes above the waves…

(Baby Kate’s Birth Story)

 

Baby Kate’s labor began with induction. There are so many horrid induction stories.  Here is an induction birth story that may soothe some fears you may have…

During my labor my water was broken early. The doctor said based on my last labor that we could probably expect a baby by two or 4 PM.

It was 9 AM.

So the contractions, pitocin-induced, began. They grew in intensity and duration. I watched them on the monitor. They had placed in me a microchip that allowed them to monitor with complete accuracy the contractions as they came and went.

So I watched them: rising to a peak my tightness growing, discomfort and pain increasing slightly with each hour. I watch the monitor– those peaks and valleys, those electronic waves. I watched waiting for the crest that would tell me my pain would begin to diminish in a few seconds.

And the nurse checked me again and again hour after hour. The boredom turned anxiety as progress became slowed to a halt.

I asked her, “since you broke my waters what happens if I don’t dilate?”

She looked at me with the same concern that she had looked at me after my last two “checks”. “We’ll just wait and cross that bridge when we get there.”

Something in her eyes told me she thought we would get there.

A flood of self-doubt, guilt,  condemnation, and fear overtook me. Had I induced too soon? Should I have waited for her to come naturally? Was I less far along than I thought?

Did I tell them the wrong date of last cycle on purpose at the beginning? I couldn’t remember clearly now.

Was my selfishness with wanting pregnancy to be over going to harm my baby?

“Don’t rush the seasons.” … God had said to me only days before. Were the consequences of my impatience crashing in upon me? Had I “awakened love before it’s time”, before my time, Kate’s time had come?

My mind was a storm amidst this electric ocean. I watched praying that God would forgive me. Praying that he would save me. Praying that he would deliver me and my baby girl.

I played the song Oceans over and over. I tried to imagine the scene of Jesus on the water and me stepping off the boat, waves of contractions of pain and fear all around. I tried to keep my eyes on his mercy and love. Tried to keep my eyes on his faithfulness even when we are unfaithful. The lyrics washed over me.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior.

And so I stayed in his presence. I asked for prayer from friends and family. I had my husband and mom my hands on me and pray.

Again I listened.

You call me out upon the waters were feet may fail.

I saw myself as in a vision, I was clothed in an almost translucent pale dress. The pieces of the skirt blown behind me by the winds all around. My hair was long and red, blowing behind also. My arm is outstretched as I took slow confident steps toward where I reached.

Forward. Forward. Onward. Losing sight of the storm all around with each step, and then my hand fell into His.

“His right hand embraced me (SOS 2:6)” and we began dancing on a sea of glass (Re 15:2) as I gazed into his eyes – steady, passionate fire.

And I thought to myself, even from this moment – hours before she’s born, motherhood is a storm of fear and uncertainty at times.

“Your sovereign hand will be my guide.”

Only gazing at his face. Only reaching for his grace turned the stormy waters into a sea of glass. The steps of mothering into a beautiful dance.

“You’ve never failed. And You won’t start now.”

A memory of how he had let me this Shepherd and overseer of my soul (1 Pet 2:25). I always think back to that moment in the jail cell where I would spend a year of my life. That moment on a gym mat in the tent made by a single scratchy blanket pulled over my head to shield all the onlookers from seeing my uncontrollable sobs.

He was there. He came into that makeshift tabernacle. He had never left. And he never would. From then to now, he has led me.

And now he has blessed me with the greatest gift. He has poured out his unmerited faith in me. His faith that I would lean. Faith that in all of the difficult moments of wilderness, I would come out leaning on my beloved.

And so I leaned as the waves of contractions grew in strength I called to this Faithful One. In a short time after i had recruited prayer, after I had begun to pray, worship, and meditate on Him, my body began to react swiftly.

Strong nausea overtook me suddenly. The pain grew to such strength that I felt like my Baby Kateeyes are going to burst. The nurse updated me with my quick progress moment by moment. Now six. Now 7 1/2. Now nine. And then the miracle of this crescendo happened at 8:04 PM with fewer than five pushes.

 

She was here! And it was okay because He was here too. The waves on the monitor had stopped, but the storm on the waters of life wouldn’t. The waves would rise and fall, pain and peace, heartache and joy.  But always, we must keep our eyes above the waves.

Though my sorrow be taken from me, yet will I sing, yet will I praise you. Though the joy taken from me.  Yet will I laugh.  Yet will I shout unto You. Though the light be hidden from me, yet will I walk, yet will I run after you. THough my heart be slain within me, yet will I trust, yet will I follow You. -Audra Lynn, Yet Will I Sing

I will call upon your name. Keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in your embrace. I am yours and you are mine.

I am my beloved and he is mine.

 

 

 

 

 

'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word,
Just to rest upon His promise;
Just to know, Thus saith the Lord.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

How I love to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood.
Just in simple faith to plunge me
‘Neath the healing cleansing flood!

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

Yes, I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,
And from sin and self to cease,
Now from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest and joy and peace.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

I’m so glad I learned to trust Him,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend,
And I know that He is with me,
He’ll be with me to the end…

Alas! and Did my Savior Bleed

[In] the autumn of 1850…re­viv­al meet­ings were be­ing held in the Thir­ti­eth Street Meth­od­ist Church [, New York Ci­ty]. Some of us went down ev­ery ev­en­ing; and, on two oc­ca­sions, I sought peace at the at­lar [sic], but did not find the joy I craved, un­til one ev­en­ing, No­vem­ber 20, 1850, it seemed to me that the light must in­deed come then or ne­ver; and so I arose and went to the al­tar alone. A­fter a prayer was of­fered, they be­gan to sing the grand old con­se­cra­tion hymn, “Alas, and did my Sav­iour bleed, And did my Sov­er­eign die?” And when they reached the third line of the fourth [sic] stan­za, “Here Lord, I give my­self away,” my very soul was flood­ed with a ce­les­ti­al light. I sprang to my feet, shout­ing “hal­le­lu­jah,” and then for the first time I real­ized that I had been try­ing to hold the world in one hand and the Lord in the other.

Crosby, p. 24


 

Alas! and did my Savior bleed
And did my Sovereign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as I?

Refrain

At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my heart rolled away,
It was there by faith I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day!

Thy body slain, sweet Jesus, Thine—
And bathed in its own blood—
While the firm mark of wrath divine,
His Soul in anguish stood.

Was it for crimes that I had done
He groaned upon the tree?
Amazing pity! grace unknown!
And love beyond degree!

Well might the sun in darkness hide
And shut his glories in,
When Christ, the mighty Maker died,
For man the creature’s sin.

Thus might I hide my blushing face
While His dear cross appears,
Dissolve my heart in thankfulness,
And melt my eyes to tears.

But drops of grief can ne’er repay
The debt of love I owe:
Here, Lord, I give my self away
’Tis all that I can do.

Sooo BUSY!

Okay so this week is crazy. We don’t get a day off and it is back to back classes/intercession. My eyes are so swollen from crying and my body is tired from lack of sleep. Pray for me… often! Love everybody. I’ve been uploading random videos to YouTube. Watch them here:

My Videos

New Christian Artist, Audra Lynn

I bought a new cd this weekend called Vow by Audra Lynn.  This music is powerful.  The drum and vocals in one of the songs- Psalm of Abraham-are amazing.   Her voice is haunting and powerful, and so is the message.   I recommend this cd to anyone that is a fan of Misty Edwards, Bjork, Beth Orton, Azure Ray.