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Miscarriage and Contradiction Prophecy | My Miscarriage Story | RunHoly

Miscarriage and Contradiction Prophecy

miscarriage and contradiction prophecy runholyI wanted to tell you about my Miscarriage and Contradiction Prophecy, a prophetic word that seemed to bring hope only to crush it. But in the midst of what I have and continue to go through that prophetic word that God gave me is a great thing to cling to even though my circumstances declare the opposite.  Mostly I cling to His love and sovereignty throughout this.

Miscarriage and Contradiction Prophecy: My Miscarriage Experience

I recently miscarried.  I was 13 weeks.  The moment I found out was one of the most painful of my life. Staring at the huge monitor at the image of the ultrasound, searching desparately for anything that looked like a baby but only seeing a white blob of a fetus that stopped developing at 7 weeks. Hearing the words “I’m so sorry.” I was crushed.

The next week was difficult, the D & C, the physical pain of miscarrying (which is like a slow labor drawn out over many days)… I ordered myself a necklace that said “And If Not, He is Still Good.”  A sort of memorial and reminder. I trusted in God’s plan, in His love and His wisdom more than my circumstances and my emotions. This was an amazing step in my walk with the Lord.   That Sunday driving to church I was flooded with incomprehensible joy.  I knew that there would be a greater reward for this suffering.  I thought maybe I could ask the Lord now for another pregnancy to be twin boys???

At church during worship, I was able to sing loudly that He was good.  I worshipped Him sincerely with all my heart.  It was an amazing feeling and a great honor to praise God when my circumstances said I should doubt His goodness.  It was possibly the greatest feeling of my life.

Miscarriage and Contradiction Prophecy: The Prophetic Word Begins

During a phone call with a Christian friend that week I got a word that “my heart had expanded and it couldn’t/wouldn’t go back”.  My friend had told me she had prayed before asking God to give her what to say to me.  During church that Sunday, my friend told me something similar “your heart has been enlarged and it won’t go back.”  She said, “I see it along with the scripture “enlarge your tent”.  Little did she know, that God had been highlighting this scripture from Isaiah 54 over and over.

“Enlarge the place of your tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of your habitations; do not spare: lengthen your cords, and strengthen your stakes.
Is 54:2 

I had thought that God was talking about the house we were planning on building. We are home builders.  We had just started the process of building our third house which we planned on being our “forever home”.  We are squeezed into a 3 bedroom apartment right now.  As we started planning building our next house,  suddenly things shifted, and before we knew it we were planning on building a MUCH bigger house on a MUCH bigger lot.  It felt like we were caught up in a sovereign whirlwind to both my husband and me. So, we just went with it.

It could be that this was all that God was speaking to me about with this verse, but why now were people giving me this verse pertaining to my miscarriage and my heart?


Miscarriage and Contradiction Prophecy: The Word Continues

To make things more strange, the next Sunday …Mother’s Day…after the sermon the pastor said, “I feel like I got a word to pray for miscarriages and healing.”  A few of my friends at church gathered around me and one of them began to speak Isaiah 54:2 over me during the prayer. Enlarge the place of your tent…make room…lengthen your cords… Why was I getting this word over & over? I had great hope that I would be pregnant again soon and that maybe God would fill my womb with twins or something.

God was giving me great hope to prepare me for a moment of crushing again.

Later that week I found out that I would not be pregnant again soon.  I couldn’t.  My miscarriage had been because of a molar pregnancy.  My D & C revealed that the material that was removed was cancerous.  I would have to be tested weekly and then monthly having my HCG levels monitored to ensure that no cancer remained.  Pregnancy would not be safe again for 6 months to a year.  A year was recommended to be safe.

I felt crushed all over again.  And that this miscarriage process would NEVER be over.

Miscarriage and Contradiction Prophecy: Prophecy and the Law of Contradiction


I forgot.  The few times that I have experienced strong prophetic words in my life, they had almost always been followed by some severe blow that seemed to completely contradict that word.  Anyone else experience this?  I think Graham Cooke has spoken on this before.  He called it the Law of Contradiction. It happens often times that you get a prophetic word, and then BAM! the exact opposite happens.

Now my HCG numbers are going down.  Praise God.  They will probably be to zero this week.  I am going through the confusing process of trying to prevent pregnancy when my strongest desire is to be pregnant again.  This after only just 5 months ago my strongest desire was to never be pregnant again.

I was DONE.

Now I’m NOT.

But I can’t.

Miscarriage and Contradiction Prophecy: All He’s Ever Wanted

I feel like I’ve been stretched, flipped inside out, and raked over coals.  God has me in this place of “whatever”.  If I never have a babe again,  Okay. If I have twins, Okay.  Like the song goes “If all I have is You, I’m okay, I’m Okay.  If all I have is You, I’m just fine.”

“If all I have is You, I’m okay, I’m Okay.  If all I have is You, I’m just fine.” -Rita Springer

All the songs that were on my Labor playlist are now on my Miscarriage playlist and strangely they all fit much better on that list.  Like this one…

Again God brings me back to the simple truth, that all He wants is relationship: for me to love Him and feel His love for me. Every experience, every hope and dream, every trial and triumph is to grow me deeper in this relationship, this love. That’s the whole point of everything that has happened and will happen in my life.



Mercy Paths (Psalm 25 Meditation)

Mercy Paths (Psalm 25 Meditation)



Mercy Paths Runholy Podcast Scripture Meditation Psalm 25


I recorded a scripture meditation from a special psalm where I discovered GOD’s Mercy Paths. Psalm 25 is a great psalm when you’re looking for life direction or wisdom on specific life choices. It talks about “bringing our life to God”. It says that God “teaches the humble His way”. It’s humility that drives our eyes upward during important times of transition. Only the humble seek God’s counsel on direction. The prideful think they’ve got it all figured out. The humble seek God’s advice as a vital necessity. I’ve come to this humble realization through a bunch of prideful life choices which took me through some hard knocks.

He leads the humble in what is right, and the humble HE teaches His way. -ps25:9

When I was searching for answers on my future husband and God’s will for my life, Psalm 25 became a very special place for me. I remember those times of seeking on the back desert plains of west Texas. I remember the freedom I found within the walls of this psalm.

There was so much fear surrounding making the “right choice”. As I had learned before, God’s will is not a tightrope but a playground. Yes there is a fence and boundaries but there is fun and freedom. If we feel we are walking a tight rope when making choices, that is not freedom. That’s not what He means by the narrow way. I believe the narrow way is actually found in the small daily choices of obedience and devotion. These actually matter more to God than the “big choices”. I found freedom in psalm 25.

In verse 10, He says “all the paths are mercy”. Within our humanity and unique personality we will journey and digress down complex paths. He works all these paths together for our good and for the future that we have hoped for. When we look to Him and wait in hope for His direction, we will never be put to shame. Mercy will cover every choice we make. Down every path we will find mercy. His goodness will follow us Dow EVERY path we choose. We don’t have to be afraid about choosing a wrong path because all the paths we walk down seeking him along the way are mercy.

Show me your ways, oh Lord; teach me your paths. Ps25:4

He will instruct “sinners” in His way it says in verse 8. Isn’t this an interesting verse? Especially since it follows verse 7 which talks about Him remembering no more our sins. The theology of that is very complex but also simple. I think the gist of it is this: God is good. In his mercy, he teaches even those that have sinned against him.

Psalm 25 was a sweet chapter of encounter for a season of my life. Do you have those sweet spots in every Bible?  I included two versions in this meditation because they were both so rich.

Mercy Paths (Psalm 25 Meditation) – RunHoly Podcast on Sound Cloud

Mercy Paths Psalm 25 RunHoly Podcast on PodBean 

A Rant: Stop Speaking Between Worship Songs

speaking between worship songs

A Rant: Speaking Between Worship Songs

speaking between worship songs

Speaking between worship songs.  Speaking between EVERY worship song especially. This rant I have kept bottled up for a while.  I’m not going to post it anywhere else because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or cause any issues.  But since only readers of my blog see this and because I’d like to hear feedback, I decided to leave my rant here.

The church we attend is a non-denominational church with biblical preaching and modern worship.  I enjoy the few people there that I’ve gotten to know. It’s not my usual church in the genre of IHOP-KC or Bethel in that it lacks the freedom and vulnerability that I feel comes from being more spirit-led.  But it is a compromise for my husband and I. The worship leaders voice is like an angel, and she truly seems like a sweet person. The pastor’s sermons are well-organized and delivered with skill.  He is charismatic and sincere.

Three Song Maximum Worship

The last year or so though, something has been really getting to me.  I enjoy corporate worship. There’s a power that comes when His people gather and worship as one. At IHOP-KC worship might be an hour long as you might expect from a 24-7 prayer room church.  When I left that church, I had to get used to the fact that worship would be a 3-song maximum.  It was hardly enough time for my mind to engage with heaven.  I realize worship shouldn’t be all about MY experience.  It should be about Him.  But here’s the thing, I know He enjoys me feeling pleasure from connecting with him.  I know it is what He paid for.  It’s His reward.  Part of the “joy set before him” and the reason He endured the cross was so that His bride could connect in a powerful way to Him and feel the intimacy and pleasure of heavenly engagement. To be with him where he is…that was His prayer. 


Distraction and Disengagement

So, somehow I got past the 3-song maximum, but then something started happening at my church. I guess it must happen at a lot of other churches. The worship leader started talking between songs and not just once.  Between EVERY SONG.  The first song, I would begin to worship and my mind would be focused on heaven, I would begin to engage with the Lord, to hear from him, to envision Jesus, God’s throne, and heaven.  And then… the song would end and the worship leader would give her mini-sermon.  Then the second song, but then the same thing would happen.  It’s gotten so frustrating that I usually just sit and try to pray and talk to God throughout worship.  At least it is a time of prayer uninterrupted by my little ones and with some pretty background music.  But over the past year, I have begun to miss the corporate worship experience.

Also, as an observer in the church audience, I see most of the other members giving signs that they are going through the same thing.  You see towards the end of the first worship song,  their hands raised, faces looking upward, eyes closed, emoting vulnerable connection, and then… hands go down, faces look down from heaven to the worship leader talking, eyes pry back open to focus instead on what SHE’S saying, connection seems to be broken.  Some of them try to re-engage during the next song, but many of them instead just stand there.  Some even get out their phones, sit down, shuffle through their purses.

Taking Control of Worship Away From Holy Spirit

The thing that bothers me is:  what was God speaking to them during that first song? The worship leader seems to want to redirect them to the scripture God has put on her heart or the thought that He was speaking to her. But what if the Holy Spirit was ministering intimate revelations about himself that THAT PERSON needed to hear?  And instead you interjected something completely different. Does the church leadership not trust that the Holy Spirit can interact with the children of God and that His children can be led by Him without their help between EVERY song?

That’s what it feels like to me.  There is a lack of submission to the leading of the Holy Spirit.  There is a fear of the release of control to Him and what that would mean to their organization and structure of the service.

Because I’ve been able to adapt to the short worship sets…sometimes that first song I was caught up in the most amazing, powerful vision. The worship leader would pull me back down from the arms of God back to whatever she was saying. And that got super-upsetting after a couple of times.

A while back I did confide in one close friend I had there at the church, and that person said it bothered him/her too- a lot.  So I went straight to one of the sources.

A Troubling Confession

I talked to one of the worship leaders also that said he/she didn’t like to do it, but it was requested that they speak between songs by someone in leadership. This last point is probably why it bothers me the most.

I mean if a worship leader is being led by the Spirit to speak on something between a song… first of all it’s probably not going to be a prompting that has them speaking between EVERY worship song.  And secondly, it will add to the worship experience, not take away.  But based on what this worship leader told me, this means the prompting to give speeches between every song is not from the Holy Spirit but church leadership. I’m also wondering if this happens in other churches too where one of the church pastors requires the worship leaders to give messages breaking up a worship set.

Powerful Worship: Christ’s Inheritance

This isn’t that big a deal. I mean it’s one hour a week. Not much in the scope of our entire walk with the Lord.  Most people may not even notice or care. Does corporate worship play a vital role in God’s kingdom strategy and His individual relationships with us? Isn’t powerful corporate worship part of his inheritance that he died and paid for on the Cross?

So that inheritance being marred in some way could have me feeling a little righteous annoyance or …Maybe it’s because I’m ADD or maybe it’s because of my church denomination background.




I truly miss the power that unbroken corporate worship gives to my walk with the Lord.  I miss the revelations, visions, and intimacy that I used to experience with God during those times, but I’m just not sure what to do.  Worship is one of my greatest growth tools in my walk with God.  We all have different ways we connect.  This is mine.  (But then it’s also others’ too.)  I don’t want to leave a church over something like this, but I also hate leaving church the same or more dry than when I came in because a worship leader is following orders he/she doesn’t much care for.

So…Would you say anything, change churches, or just go on praying that one day it would change?  Are we supposed to say anything?  I mean… if each one of us is the church?  And if church is supposed to be “family”, wouldn’t you say something to your family?

Does this upset or frustrate anyone else or are the worship leader talks between songs helpful to you?  Does this happen at other churches?  Is this just a normal thing at most churches to speak, pray, or hear verses for 3 or 4 minutes between songs? I don’t want to ask feedback from others at my church because if it isn’t a problem, I don’t want to stir up an offense.  

RunHoly Podcast Scripture Meditation Psalm 139:5

RunHoly Podcast Scripture Meditation Psalm 139:5

The God Impulse Runholy podcast God's blessing on life choices


The God Impulse

I posted a new podcast recording that talks about life choices. David gave us a model for making big choices. 1. Inquire-ask God. 2. Wait on his answer 3. When you think you’ve got it, move swiftly with confidence. I’ve done this over and over with big decisions I’ve made. I spoke at the beginning of this podcast  particularly about choosing to marry my husband.

Psalm 139:5 was a special verse to me because it was a confirmation that I had heard God and made the choice that had his blessing.

Podcast On Sound Cloud

podcast on Podbean


Sister, Before You Hit “Unfriend”

Sister, before you hit unfriend,

Sister, before you hit unfriend, RunHoly.comSister, Before You Hit Unfriend

Sister before you hit unfriend RunHoly

Can I just have a little soapbox moment? I just want to bend your ear before you hit unfriend on that Facebook account of your Christian connection.

The friend that removed me is no longer a “friend” so she probably won’t read this, but I just wanted to put it out there for others considering unfriending a sister in Christ on Facebook or in life.

1. Communicate. Give Her a Chance.

If you are going to unfriend another sister, could you at least extend the grace of sending her a message about what the offense was?! Cutting someone out of your life without even trying to give the person a chance to clear misunderstanding or recognize where she was wrong doesn’t seem Christlike or fair, does it? In fact it communicates that this person is worthless not worth the moment or effort it would take you to talk to them about it.

How will believers grow in depth of relationship and maturity if they don’t try to understand each other and make recompense.

2. Love Covers. Is Not Easily Offended.

Would you try to cover their mistake with love or mercy…you know like…oh THE BIBLE says to. Here’s a chance for you to grow in maturity. Work your love muscle and become unoffendable. Even without an apology we are called to love even our enemies.

Sister before you hit unfriend runholy

So if someone has hurt you, shouldn’t you love them even more and extend the same grace that God extends to you time and again.

3. Thou Shalt Not Murder.

Would you think long and hard about de-friending or unfriending the person since its pretty much the opposite of unity and love (what Jesus wants from us) and is likely very close to the spirit of MURDER since you are basically saying they are “dead to you”? When you unfriend, you are communicating rejection, worthlessness, hate. These are tools of the enemy.

world will know us by our love for one another

The world will know us by our love. Not exactly shining the light and love of Jesus and his church/family when you do this. It hurts when Facebook acquaintances do this or even worldly friends, but when godly Christian sisters do this it is even more hurtful.

Maybe you feel it’s what God wants you to do. Weird. Because that seems unbiblical and more like pride, but I dunno…maybe? Then at least tell the person: “I need to remove our connection on Facebook. You hurt me and I need boundaries, but I still love you.” This communicates they are valuable and removes the permission that you give the enemy to torment with the spirit of rejection.

Facebook Isn’t The Real World.

Its not that big a deal. You’re overreacting. It’s just Facebook.  Probably true. But this doesn’t Stop there. Usually when you are “cutting someone out of Facebook” you are doing it in other ways too. It’s just not right. It’s not the way God called us to be. We are the family of God. We have to think about our actions and whether they glorify God and edify his body.

That sister you are hurting is God’s daughter. It’s Christ body you are injuring. And he takes that seriously. So before you hit unfriend, please think about it, pray about it.


A Prayer for Labor Induction

Prayer for labor induction - RunHoly.comA Prayer for Labor Induction

I just had a beautiful little girl. I made it through 9 (or ten) long hard months. I am not one of those women that glows and enjoys pregnancy. I think they are actually a myth as I have never met one **correction: on July 31st, I met ONE of these women, Bre.  Beautiful woman.  Anyway…** . For those other women that do not enjoy pregnancy especially at the end, I previously shared some things that I believe induced my labor.  Now, I wanted to also share with you the specific prayer and scriptures that I prayed the night before (of) my labor.

Haven was the only baby of my three that came naturally. I had to medically induce with the first two. She came at 37.5 weeks. She was the smallest of my babies which is very unusual since she was my third. I was amazed at how scrawny she was compared to my other two, but she was perfectly healthy in every way.  (She also gained weight quickly after being born.) This confirms to me that God was faithful to my prayer.  Quite possibly she came earlier than she would have if I had not prayed.

***You will see in this post that I also used several natural induction methods.  But I believe in God’s sovereignty, he would only allow these to “work” if it was his will. Along with this prayer, I also asked a group of about 5 of my prayer group friends to pray for a “Holy Spirit-induction” that very DAY that I went into labor.

By the way, going into labor naturally was one of the greatest experiences.  I was able to labor at home until the early hours of the morning: walking around my house, showering in my shower, sitting in my living room by the peaceful light of my Christmas tree.  No one “checking me” every hour.  And the contractions were super easy and gentle compared to Pitocin contractions!


Prayer for Labor Induction

Abba Father,

You know I’m not the most patient person.

But you also see and understand how difficult pregnancy is.

You used pregnancy as a metaphor for the most difficult and uncomfortable tests in the bible.

This pregnancy is definitely testing me.

You lead gently those with young and you desire to be merciful to me.

Your banner over my life and this pregnancy is love.

I know that there is an appointed time for the birth of this baby just as there was for yours.

I also know that in your mercy and love, you changed the times for people like Joshua and Hezekiah. 

All my times are in your hands. 

The time for this pregnancy to end and birth to happen are in your control and your wisdom.

But I am your daughter, you care about my discomfort, my pain, my desires.

So just as Jesus cried out for the possibility of you to change your plan, I’m asking you in boldness to have the timing of this birth to be TODAY / TONIGHT!

You know that my heart’s desire is to go into labor naturally, and you promise to give me the desires of my heart.

So, I’m asking that my water would break and that I would have a healthy labor and a vaginal delivery free of complications.

Make this child ready… body-soul-spirit to come into this world today/night.

Cast out all fear from her and strengthen her.

I speak maturity to every organ from her brain to lungs to digestion and immune system.

Thank you God that you hear me and that you always hear me.

Thank you for the gift of prayer and your promises, and for being a father that always cares about me.


Bible Verses for Prayer for Labor Induction

As a woman with child, when she draweth near the time of her delivery, is in pain, and crieth out in her pangs: so are we become in thy presence, O Lord. Isaiah 26:17

He gently leads those that have young Isaiah 40:11

And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. Luke 2:6

My times are in your hands Psalm 31:15

Since his days are determined, The number of his months is with You; And his limits You have set so that he cannot pass. Job 14:5

He changes times and seasons Dan 2:21

‘I desire mercy Matt 9:13, 12:7, Hosea 6:6

and let his banner over me be love Songs 2:4

So the sun stood still, and the moon stopped…The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. Joshua 10:13

Time moved backwards for Hezekiah in 2 Kings 20

‘Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will add to your days fifteen years Isaiah 38:5

He will give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4

And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me…that you always hear me…Jn 11:41-42

I tell you truly that if two of you on the earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven Matt 18:19

Inducing Labor: What Worked For Me

How to induce labor naturally. Natural induction method that works!

Naturally Induce Labor: The Natural Induction Method That Works!

Inducing Labor: What Worked For Me

At the end of pregnancy and I mean around 32 weeks, I begin searching-madly googling, searching forums, Facebook groups, etc.-ways to induce labor. I am DONE. The last few weeks of pregnancy are torture for me. Sciatic pain, discomfort, not being able to breathe, exhaustion…and generally just not being able to be ME all drive me to a willingness to do almost anything. This time, I believe I might have been successful at inducing labor. What worked for me?

How to induce labor naturally. Natural induction method that works!

How to induce labor naturally.

Natural Induction Method 1: Electro-stimulation of Nipples


Naturally induce labor with tens unit electrostimulation of nipples

Me using the TENS unit while pregnant.

I began this around 36 weeks. As I mentioned, I have terrible sciatic pain during pregnancy. (I don’t know if baby gets on my last nerve or what! Har har!) Anyway, so I have to wear a TENS unit on my back and butt to be able to sleep. So imagine my surprise and delight when coming across this clinical study: breast electrostimulation for the induction of labor.

Here are some highlights from this study:

“We studied breast electrostimulation as a controllable method of initiating labor in 21 women. This technique successfully induced labor in 15 women…”


“All of the successfully induced women delivered vaginally.”

Natural labor induction through nipple stimulation tens unit,


The Problem with Nipple Stimulation to Induce Labor

Okay so the problem with nipple stimulation isn’t it’s proven success rate in studies. Actually it is one of the ONLY successfully proven, science-backed natural induction methods. The problem is that the only way for breast stimulation to work it has to be done for 3 hours/day or more. Now if you are doing that manually…that is just weird. I’m not rubbing my nipples for 3 hours a day. Might make for an awkward checkout at the grocery store, ya know? Okay, so the other option is an electric breast pump. I tried this during my second pregnancy. Some people might be able to handle this for multiple hours a day. I could not. Excruciating. You might go into labor, but you might also have your nipples fall OFF. So the last option is what I chose. Like I said I already needed the TENS unit for back/sciatic pain. I also ended up using it for painful labor contractions. Turns out you can also use it for nipple stimulation. So, basically you stick one electrode pad on the right and left (or top and bottom) of your nipple.

A risk to note is that it might actually make you go into labor early.  Many women breastfeed babies all the way through pregnancy (including the third trimester); so the risk isn’t too high.  But, you don’t want to start this any earlier than 37 weeks if you are having a complicated, high-risk pregnancy or have been showing signs of premature-labor. *I started this at 36.5 weeks because I read in a couple of studies that it takes at least 72 hours to begin working/to start labor. Also, I have always gone to full term and had uncomplicated pregnancies.

I actually ran into a strange problem that I’m pretty certain won’t happen to most people. I got mastitis during these last days of my pregnancy. Now mastitis usually only occurs while breastfeeding – but I guess my body *thought* I was breastfeeding.  The bad thing about getting mastitis while pregnant is that there isn’t a baby to flush out the infection by breastfeeding which is how most mastitis infections are cleared up.   I am a high risk for mastitis.  I got it 4 times with my second baby.  To prevent mastitis, you can take soy lecithin or you can treat it as soon as you feel the symptoms like breast soreness, heat in breast by calling your doc and getting prescribed antibiotics.

So, here is the specific method: Attach the tens unit like below. Raise the level (ghz) until you can feel a light buzzing in your nipples. I also chose the setting that pulses. I felt like the intensity fluctuations mimicked breastfeeding most. I wore these pads underneath my clothes and slipped the controller in my jeans pocket so that the cords were pretty much out of sight. I ran the unit about 3-4 times a day for about an hour each time. The controller will automatically turn off the current after an hour. I did this during the day and at night.

Naturally induce labor with tens unit electrostimulation of nipples

Here is the TENS unit that I used. (Buying through this link supports all the hard work I do for this site.)

Inducing a VBAC labor…Attempting a VBAC?

Here’s a study on women with prior c-section deliveries who did nipple stimulation and 84% of them were able to have a successful vaginal birth.

Natural Induction Method 2: Membrane Sweep or Stripping Membranes (twice)

You probably already know about this.  It’s where the doctor uses a glove to “to gently separate the amniotic sac from the wall of the uterus”. Ouch.  Firstly this did cause some cramping and contractions both times.  It’s supposed to work within 48 hours.  The second time I had them done, I went into labor that night.

Also, I would not recommend looking on forums and boards for whether this is successful.  The only women that get on there and comment are the ones that are still pregnant. Because the ones that it was successful are too busy HAVING A BABY to go and post that it was a success.  Some go back and post that it was successful, but I didn’t.  It wasn’t really at the top of my list of priorities.  So yeah… I just wanted to put that out there on the interwebs so that other desperate google/babycenter searching pregnant moms can avoid that discouragement.

This study says that membrane sweeps work to induce labor. This study says that membrane sweeps do not pose risks.  There is another study that I can’t seem to locate again that said that membrane sweeps were most successful when combined with other induction methods.

Are There Risks to Having Membranes Stripped?
  • The cramping that may occur in the 24 hours after your membranes are stripped can make it hard to rest or sleep; this means that you might lose some sleep before actually going into labor.
  • Some people worry that membrane stripping may cause the bag of water to break or cause mothers or babies to become sick. Studies have found that membrane stripping does not make them more likely Source

Natural Induction Method 3: Prayer

Yes prayer. I was desperately searching for all these methods and ways to induce and God tapped me on the shoulder…like “hey, have you thought about praying about it?” DOH! So I began praying this prayer, and also texted my “prayer group” asking for them to pray for a Holy Spirit-induction.  That night I went into labor.

You can read my post on a Prayer for Induction of Labor HERE.

Natural Induction Method 4: Naps

Okay I thought this was strange. My doctor who has been in practice a loooong time gave me this tip after my membrane sweep and in response to my question as to whether walking might help the “sweep” work. He told me to go home and take a nap or two or three. He gave a couple of reasons for this.

When you put more stress on your body and are stressed emotionally to boot, this raises cortisol. This kills the oxytocin boost that you need to start labor. It’s all about hormones!  But when you relax, nap…meditate then oxytocin thrives and labor can start naturally.

Along those same lines, napping prepares your body for labor. Since labor is long and hard work, it’s good to let your body rest. It makes sense, right? How many women walk their butts off then end up going into labor already tired and worn out?

I took two or three naps the day I went into labor.

Well I think those cover it…

Once contractions started, I did bounce on a ball to try to keep it going. I did that the rest of the evening, and I bounced pretty hard at one point.

So if you’re like me and desperate for your pregnancy to be OVER, you can give these a try! Let me know if it works for you.

The Beauty of a Woman, Lover of God

Beauty of woman lover of God

The Beauty of a Woman, Lover of God

Beauty of woman lover of God

The beauty of a woman who is a lover of God is always growing

Not only because she will be pursuing fitness of her soul, mind, AND body

But because she will radiate joy, kindness.

When you think of her, you will feel warm.

Her remembrance will make you smile.

And her memorial will be all the beauty her life brought to the world & the glory she brought to God.

In her presence will be peace and she will bring peace to your heart.

As age spots her skin God’s spirit is removing all blemishes from her soul.

As the color fades from her hair, her life influence will become rich and vibrant.

Her remembrance will make you smile.

And her memorial will be all the beauty her life brought to the world & the glory she brought to God.

Through her selflessness, humility, and love.


Grace & peace,



This Will Change Your Marriage

This Will Change Your Marriage

How God has changed my marriage, my husband, and most importantly my heart. Really he changed the course of my marriage. It was a marriage that could have ended up loveless and unhappy, but instead is on a course to remain vital, full of love & joy. It was the change in my heart and attitude by His grace that I believe totally changed the track of my marriage.

Illustrations of Attitude

Going through pictures on my iPhone, I had sort of an epiphany…an astounding amazement at what God has done in my heart over the years. There’s a picture of the girls at fall festival on Halloween night, a picture of our empty house, videos from the playground near the OKC airport… These might not seem astounding to you, but let me explain.

I costumed and took the girls to the fall festival by myself. I moved out of our house into an apartment at 31 weeks pregnant.  The girls and I went to the playground after taking Paul to the airport so that he could take a business venture trip.  These details are not the amazing part.  The amazing part is the picture of my attitude that these pictures illustrate.

I was not resentful Halloween night of Paul running to the store instead of going with us.  It only occurred to me for a brief second that night and then later as I was just looking at these pictures to even be upset.  We had a wonderful time! It was a sweet experience that I got to share with my girls.

We are building another house that began to run slowly.  We had to rent our house out before the other house was done for financial reasons (and move into a smaller apartment with my father in law.  This is the THIRD pregnancy where I have lived at least part of the time with my father in law).  Not moving the way we did would have put immense stress on my husband to provide for basically two house payments or to find renters at a very undesirable time, think Thanksgiving/ Christmas. But I spent as much energy as I could muster packing and cleaning and moving, and I never gave much thought to myself, my condition, or my needs. It only occurred to me later that I could have been a little aggravated by this.

Paul is such an entrepreneurial type of person. It’s the way God made him.  I believe after praying for him for so many years that God has strongly gifted him this way.  Since that is the way he is wired, he is always going after training, leads, opportunities. When he said he wanted to fly to visit a friend for a type of business training for a few days, my heart without hesitation supported him. Even though I am very pregnant with two toddlers and working, (and packing for a move! Lol) it never even occurred to me to be upset. The picture of the girls at the playground after I dropped him off illustrates my positive attitude in the midst of this circumstance that I could have been negative.

I really don’t say these things to brag on myself.  Honestly, my heart felt like it was going to burst when I realized how much my perceptions and attitudes had changed, but it was all because I realized how much God was doing in my heart (and in my marriage relationship).  Looking back even further, I’m realizing some ways that God is continuously changing my heart.  I’m blogging about it because it changed my marriage, and this will change your marriage. I guarantee it.

5 Principles for a Changed Marriage -

  1.  Humble Yourself: When I first got married, I had this view of myself.  I was a fiery, passionate prayer and worship warrior.  I was mature in the Word.  I was zealous in praying with everyone about everything. My husband was not. He knew of several bible verses.  he lived his life and made choices based on biblical principles.  He prayed a very short prayer before meals. He wasn’t too into worshipping or worship music even. I was amazed and burdened by how much my husband did not measure up to the standard I expected my husband to measure up to…You know-to be the husband of a passionate destined prayer warrior like myself? I was worried too that this immature Christian would pull me down to his level like I had learned at vacation bible school where all the other kids stood on the ground and tried to pull a person down off a chair to illustrate how much easier it was to pull someone down than up.  I was concerned that I had made a marriage choice to be “unequally yoked”.

One night God gave me a dream.  In the dream, at first there was that picture of a child on a chair attempting to be pulled down by others on the ground.  I knew this was a flashback to that memory and principle that had been ingrained in my conscience.  Then it was like the hand of God moved the slide over, out of sight. In the next scene, there were two sapling trees. One tree was tied to the other. One tree might have been a little older than the other, but they were both saplings. I watched as the wind sort of blew and the trees were strengthened by being tied to one another.  It was like God was saying with the first slide, “this is the way you see it.” and then with the second, “this is the way it truly is.”

Paul and I were both babies.  We were both drowning in sin and in need of God and a savior.  We were both early on our journey with God.  We would both one day be OAKS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, but right now we both had a lot of growing to do.

I later discovered that much of the simplicity of Paul’s thinking and his unquestioning acceptance of truth gave him an advantage in many ways.  I might have known more verses, but Paul operated from a stronger biblical foundation in many situations than I did. Times that I was filled with worry, Paul walked with a calm, resolute strength that came from faith.

I needed to realize that I held myself in too high esteem when it came to my Christian walk. The truth is that I was a sinner, broken and weak.  And that I had been made new and whole.  When God looked at me, he saw Christ.  And when God looked at Paul, he saw Christ. We also both have a lifetime and eternity of growing from glory to glory in our maturity.

You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

Song of Solomon 4:7

2.     Take your “list” to God (and leave it).  When we first got married and still now, I had a long list of things that Paul need to improve in:

  • He needed to lead the family in prayer, worship, and study times daily.  He needed to make prayer and study a priority for himself.
  • He needed to take initiative for us to have times together as a couple with the LORD. After all, “a couple that prays together stays together”.  I said this to him often in the hopes, implying the question “umm…do you want to stay together or what?!” or maybe even more than implying sometimes.
  • He needed to work on maturing his prayer language and confidence in prayer.  His boldness in praying for others needs and looking to prayer as an answer FIRST (before medicine for example–“Why are you running to get the girls’ Tylenol before you lay hands on them?!)
  • He needed a hunger for the Word.  Often times, he would say something unbiblical and I would say “if you read the word more you would know that’s not right”.  Or maybe in a kinder way I would say, “it would be easier for you to talk to God if you spent more time in the word.” Or list off the other benefits that I know to be true of spending time in the Bible.

While I did pray for these things for him, I didn’t leave it there. I didn’t trust God to start and complete the work.  I felt that my comments and nudges were needed in shaping my husband and moving him towards these goals. Yes I prayed and prayed, but many times I would break down and just begin an argument focused on his weaknesses.

This left him feeling like he was “not enough” (oh my gosh I’m about to start crying.)  He said he felt like he could “never measure up”.  Why did I marry him anyway? (aaaand now I am crying.) The little comments no matter how minor or how far between made him feel like that was what I was thinking about him all the time.

So, when you pray, and you should definitely PRAY, for him…then pray.  But then leave it.  Leave it in God’s care.  He is the overseer of your husband’s soul, and he is faithful to complete the work he began in him.  God hears your prayers, and He is working. You can rest in that.  After all, God wants those things from your husband even more than you do! If you are struggling with not seeing the transformation in your husband and the fruit of your prayers, talk to God about that.   I’ve had moments where God drew back the curtain, where He showed me “the right hand of God” in my husband’s heart, and it filled me with such hope that I was able to continue in prayer and faith for another season.

3.     Pray Positively (don’t use prayer to dog your husband)  Now, I am a believer in prayer and the first step is praying for your husband. But God later showed me that the way I was praying for my husband was wrong.  My prayer times were half pity party, half complaint session.

How often was I thanking God for or discussing with Him my husband’s strengths? Or was I bringing God a list of all the things I thought he should be working on?  You know the bible says that Jesus “lives to intercede for us”.  He is always praying for us.  Do you think he is up there having a pity party “Father, she’s just not giving me the glory I deserve and have earned.” or complaint session “She keeps yelling at the kids. Doesn’t she realize they are precious to me? She’s not using the grace that I freely offered.  If she would just pray more instead of worrying. Ugh!”

No. Jesus prays from a place of love, from a place of seeing us as priceless beauties. I guarantee you he is saying more things in prayer that praise us than are critical.  We need to pray this way too. Ask God to show you your husband’s strengths and his calling, and then thank God for those in prayer.  Use prayer to edify and speak life. I’m not saying that you can’t bring your concerns to God, but it’s the heart behind it.

How would you feel about someone speaking that way about your son or daughter when they were little? You are protective as a mother of the way others speak about your child, not seeing the best in them, not remarking on their strengths but only focusing on their weaknesses. And guess what? Your husband is God’s little child, more precious to him than that baby you held in your arms and raised. Consider this when you pray for your husband.

See your husband as God sees your husband.

this will change your marriage - RunHolyIt’s amazing how when my prayer life began to change, my view of my husband began to change too.  There was a spiritual shift in my own heart and mind. I wasn’t constantly disappointed, worried, or resentful.  I was thankful. Even times I could easily be resentful, I’m thankful. The thoughts that come up in my thought life about my husband are good, edifying thoughts. And an edifying secret thought life about your husband… This will change your marriage.

When thoughts came up about him not eating right/healthy, not making church a priority, or something like that, I would purposely change my thoughts to all the things that I was thankful for and that he did well. If you have been focused on his weaknesses a lot, then it may be difficult for you to find the good qualities to focus on. But it will get easier and the good qualities will become almost all you see and think about.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8

4.    Speak Positively. Kindness leads to repentance. Out of a positive prayer life, the things you say to him and about him will naturally begin to change.  When I was constantly tearing him down and remarking on things that he needed to “work on”, he was not moved to change.  I would say it actually moved him in the opposite direction.  If he could never seem to “measure up” then why even try.

When God speaks to me in those quiet moments, he doesn’t say what I expect him to say. I expect him to say things that I need to work on or comment on things that I am failing in. But he doesn’t say something about when I lost my temper with my daughter.  He says how proud he is of me, what a good mom I am, and how he realizes how hard it is. (aaaand crying again). The moments that I quiet myself and actually listen to him (which is not often enough at all) these are the types of things that he ALWAYS says.  I actually can’t think of one critical thing he has said to me although there may have been a couple times that he did in the gentlest way and from a motivation of complete love.

Are you speaking this way to your husband?  Are you being kind and gentle when he falls short? Trying to be understanding of difficulty that he is going through? Are you speaking to him from a place of who he WILL be? Are you seeing his shortcomings through a lens of love and mercy? Are you telling him constantly about his strengths that God gave him and how much you and God love him?

Actually, let me take a moment to say something else. If this post is ringing true with you, then you are probably a person that is very hard on yourself. (and this carries over to the way you relate to your husband and others) God wants you to know that that verse above from Song of Solomon 4:7-that’s what he says about you and thinks about you.  He sees the best in you.  He sees your strength and who you WILL be. He adores you and believes in you. And he wants you to be gentle and loving with yourself. So try, okay? (talking to myself too)

The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.

Jer 31:3

I led Israel along with my ropes of kindness and love. I lifted the yoke from his neck, and I myself stooped to feed him. (another version says: To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them.)
 Hos 11:4

God’s way is to draw us with love.  This is the way that he affects change in us. When he speaks to us in a way that lifts us up, endears us, and communicates all the faith and hope he has in US, that communicates our great value, we begin to see ourselves differently.  We begin to live differently.  We begin to want to walk in that identity, out of love.

That’s the difference.  You might be able to affect change in your husband by nagging him, by listing off his faults, and laying out for him the way that he needs to fix them. But this change will not be from a “want to”.  It won’t be “out of love”.

5.     Keep God’s Glory Central.  Why do you want your husband to change?  Really stop right now and think about that —why?

Is it because your kids need a godly father and model? Or maybe you are afraid without that model, your kids will fall away or have gaps in their Christian devotion.  Is it because you deserve and desire a godly husband? This would make you happy and your marriage strong. Is it because you know that this is ultimately what will bring the most satisfaction to your husband’s heart? Or maybe so that your husband will not miss the fullness of his destiny and calling.

These are all good reasons, but they all have one problem: they all have someone else as the center to the why.  We have to get to a place where we are so in love and so convinced of God’s worth that he is central.  God desires whole-hearted love and He is worthy of all our affection.  Those other reasons are good, but they are not THE reason.

When we operate in our desires and our prayers from the place of His desires, it removes the dysfunction. His desire is filled with so much love. Love for us. Love for the world. Love for His church. Love for himself.

I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.
Song of Solomon 7:10

His desire for your husband is great. He loves him to the point of death.  He longs for him. He wants your husband to KNOW him.   He yearns to spend time with him.  He wants your husband and mine to worship him because he knows that this is where our hearts come most alive and because God is convinced more than anyone else of his own glory and worth. There is an ache in God’s heart to reveal himself to his most cherished son through his word. God longs to have adventures walking hand in hand with your husband like a father on a hunting trip with his son.

Enter in to God’s desire for your husband.  With longing and love, with perseverance and patience, with kindness and mercy and compassion, with faith confidence and hope, his desire aches and reaches for your husband’s full heart and affection. This is to be root of our prayer life for our husband (and for everything).

This is a constant struggle.  If I take an honest look, there is always something trying to move to the center of my why.  If I am wondering if God’s glory is central or not, I can usually check it against 1 Cor 13. If I’m praying with God’s pure desire and for his heart, then it won’t be polluted with the “love is not”‘s

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

The Work of Grace… This will Change Your Marriage

Your marriage is for God’s glory after all. It is a representation to the world of God and His bride.  It should be filled with joy and love, contentment and peace. It should shine to the world the beautiful loving relationship that God desires with his people.

We’ve been married a short time and hopefully have many years ahead of us.  I’m thankful for the small gradual changes that I’ve seen in my husband, but I’m most thankful for the work that God’s grace has done in MY heart and the way that it has changed my marriage. If you are wanting to change your husband, you have to allow grace to change you.

I am amazed at the change that He has done in me. I was on a course for a discontented and unhappy marriage. A marriage where my husband felt “not enough” and I agreed with him.  I feel content and hopeful about my husband even though I don’t see the fruit of my prayers often times.   I believe in my husband, in his gifts, in his callings.  I am finding that no matter what may happen or any of his failings, I never lose faith in him.  I can support him without misgivings.

My faith after all, ultimately is in the Lord, and his strength never fails.  He promises that no one who waits on Him and hopes in Him will be disappointed.  His timing is perfect and I can trust his leadership and the timing or speed of change that he chooses for my husband.

I am proud to be able to share what God has shown me with you and boast in the Lord. I hope that if you are struggling with any of this that this will help you to enter in to the rest of faith and God’s heart for you and your husband and your marriage.

Quitting Cookies – Plant Based Pregnancy Challenge

Quitting Cookies. Plant Based Pregnancy Challenge

Day 2 & 3

Yesterday was day 2 of my plant based pregnancy challenge. It went pretty well & according to plan until I found myself out and about around dinner time. (I actually had leftover lunch from day 1.) The healthiest choice was Pei Wei so I got some sushi and a Vietnamese chicken salad wrap.

I was actually shocked by how little plants were even in the menu items here. What I got the girls was basically meat, sauce, and rice. And most of the items were the same. The wraps that I got could have been filled with all kinds of colorful veggies like sprouts, red cabbage, carrots…Instead it was basically a chicken & mayonaise mixture. How boring! Plant based recipes are so colorful & creative.

Anyway, this morning I was too tired to make a shake. So I split a Lara bar and banana with Kate.

Plant based pregnancy - grilled tofu Caesar salad- RunHoly.comMy prayer group was having chicken Caesar salad. I grilled up some tofu & cut up some rainbow carrots to take over there. Oh and those are pine nuts on top. It was yummy.

By the way, the ladies broke out desserts including gelato ice cream. Thankfully I had brought a chocolate shakeology shake with be so I was able to abstain.  But sheesh! I told them it was the straight up devil waving gelato in front of a pregnant lady trying to lay off sweets.

Plant based pregnancy - grilled tofu, egg, hominy lettuce wrap- RunHoly.comThen for dinner, Paul & I ate some of that leftover tofu with hominy,  avocado, scrambled eggs, and tomatoes. I put mine in a lettuce wrap. It was so beautiful & delicious.

Tonight when when I was dying for something sweet I mixed up that shakeology brownie batter but added oatmeal, pb, and honey. The girls shared it with me & loved it.

I completed my scheduled Piyo workouts for yesterday & today. The workout today: Drench was rough. It felt great, but as you progress through a workout program, most of the time it should get easier. As I get more pregnant, it actually gets harder.

I’m pretty proud that I have stuck to my 8-week Piyo schedule and only missed a workout the day I was moving. Every now and then I don’t finish all of one, but I give myself credit for the attempt.

You’ve got to be gentle with yourself while pregnant. I tend to be kind of hard on myself.

Well that’s day 2 & 3 of this plant-based pregnancy challenge. Just gotta keep going strong for the next few days. It gets easier once you get back on the plant-based groove.

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